Relationships are tricky. And sometimes you need to come up with good strategies in order to get a guy’s attention.
Maybe you are in a long-term relationship that just hit a rough patch—he is distant and you feel like he is losing interest. He seems to be pulling away and you don’t know how to handle the situation.
Maybe you are just beginning a new relationship and you don’t want to ruin it by being too clingy. You want everything to flow smoothly but even though it is still too early to say anything, you feel like he is pulling away.
Take a deep breath. And slow down.
Most women would overreact. They would make some stupid moves in order to get the guy’s attention. But you won’t because I will tell you the secrets to gaining his attention even though it might now feel like a lost cause.
For situations like this, for a ‘disease’ called pulling away, you need the secret ‘medicine’ called IGNORE.
Even though it seems simple and quite obvious, believe me—when emotions are involved, you will have a difficult time controlling your actions. Sometimes you even catch yourself doing things you swore you never would.
If somebody told you a story about a girl who was texting a guy even though he was not texting her back (or something similar), you would probably say: “I would never do that. Is she crazy? If I was in that situation, I would ignore him completely.” But here you are, doing the same thing—even though you said you wouldn’t. And that simple ‘IGNORE’ seems so difficult.
Use ‘ignore’ in the right way. Start with yourself, then gradually work your way to getting what you want from him.
Here are some tips to make the mission of ignoring him and getting his attention back more likely to succeed:
1. Ignore the need to have exaggerated emotional displays.
This is a trip many women fall into. They think that guys experience emotions the same way they do. Then, they show all of their emotions too soon.
Guys might be scared of that. They operate on a different level to women. It usually takes them more time to figure things out for themselves and to be sure about their emotions before sharing them.
If you are upfront with your emotions or exaggerate with emotional displays, it might be the reason he is taking a different direction. Too much honesty will simply make him run as fast as he can.
So, take it slow. Timing is everything. Slow down to his pace, and only start showing emotions when he is ready to show them, too.
Make sure you are at the same level. By displaying your love and attachment too soon in a relationship, you might send signals that you are insecure or desperate.
By giving him space and time to think, you are maybe on the right track to giving you guys a shot of loving each other.
He will probably start wondering why you changed and why you are not giving him as much attention as before, and that will make him go after you.
2. Ignore the need to overreact.
Most women tend to jump to conclusions. Maybe nothing is wrong but you imagine it might be because he didn’t answer your text right away or he didn’t put a heart emoji at the end of a goodnight message.
Whatever you do, first make sure that a reason to worry and to react actually exists and that you need to react in some way. Constant complaints and making noise all the time about the little things can make him run as fast as he can. Nobody wants to hear constant whining, especially for no reason.
Choose your battles wisely.
If you really have an issue, you need to address it with him and make sure it’s a valid one. If he hurts you in any way, you should tell him openly. However, exaggeration might suffocate the relationship.
You want him to see you as a woman who doesn’t overthink his every word. Your life is your own, and you don’t have time to obsess about every little thing he does. You should only want to solve bigger problems.
He might even be surprised or concerned why you didn’t react to the things you would normally lose your mind about.
3. Stop ignoring yourself and he will stop ignoring you too.
Put yourself first. Don’t be too attentive to his needs and don’t jump to every phone call and every last-minute invitation he gives you. You don’t need to act busy; you need to be busy—busy with yourself.
Make your life function the way you want it to. Pay attention to your needs, too. You have your studies, your friends and family, your work, your career plans, your activities, and interests—regardless of him.
You have to have your own life and he should be an important part of it. If you are too accommodating, he will get used to it. He will take your time for granted and naturally assume that you will always make time for him. He should be the one adjusting his plans to fit your schedule—at least sometimes.
You don’t need to bend over backward to fit into his plans all the time. Compromise is always a good thing but don’t make him think you don’t have your own life.
A man likes nothing more than an independent woman who is also able to put him into her busy schedule.
4. Stop ignoring your wishes.
Take charge. Make road trip plans. Make dinner plans. Book tickets to see a movie he would be interested in. Buy tickets to a concert with some musician you both like. Make any plans that you consider would be interesting for the both of you. Say you organized some activity and ask him to join you.
Most women are used to men making all the arrangements. This is a way to show him that you are self-sufficient and able to organize activities and you would very much like him to join you.
The crucial thing here is to say, “If you can’t go, that’s OK. I will ask some of my friends to go with me, because I really wanna go.” Keep it casual. It will make him wonder, “What friends?” And you will show him that you are capable of having fun without him. This is a subtle way to ignore him.
5. Hot and cold.
If you are constantly ignoring him, he will tire of it after some time. He will see that he is hitting a brick wall and that there’s no way that he has any chance with you.
So give him some hints that there might be hope for him after all. You’re playing the role of an ice queen but from time to time, give him hints that you have a warm heart underneath.
Engage in conversation with him when you have a chance. Show him you are interested in what he has to say. Let him feel like what he is saying is so captivating that you don’t want to miss a single word. You could also even text him to ask him about something he has some information about and you don’t (just don’t make it too obvious).
If you see that your sudden hints of attention are making him want to talk to you more or text you more, you are on the right path.
Make a balance between ignoring him and giving him some attention. You don’t want to act completely cool toward him but you also don’t want to come off as needy. Play the game of hot and cold, give him just enough to keep him hooked but not too much. Balance is the key.
See also: Blowing Hot And Cold (The Psychology Behind The Dating Game)
6. Spark his jealousy.
Men are very competitive and sometimes all they need is a bit of jealousy to make them get up and go after you. He might not even see what he has right in front of him until there is a threat that somebody else may take it away.
So, flirt but in a way where you give your attention to others. Talk to some other man, smile a lot, touch his shoulder and have your focus only on him. Make sure your man can see you talking to some other guy and don’t pay attention to anything other than the guy you are talking to.
Sparking jealousy is one of the most dangerous tactics because it might send him a message that you are uninterested or that you are interested in somebody else. So make sure not to overdo the flirting game too much as jealousy will only drive him away. You need just a spark, not a massive fire.
7. Soothe your suspicious mind.
Don’t allow yourself to be jealous or at least avoid having jealous displays. Not every girl around him is a threat. Jealous overreactions will give out the wrong impression that you are insecure. Stay sure of yourself and put yourself in his shoes. If you have male friends or co-workers you feel tight with, you wouldn’t want him overreacting because there’s nothing going on there.
Also, he might be making you jealous on purpose as a way to test you or to evoke a reaction. Stay cool. Don’t give him the pleasure of seeing you upset over some girl. You might not be indifferent but you shouldn’t call him out on anything, at least not early on.
8. Clinginess is not your friend.
This is in case you are aware that you are clingy and you want to do something about it. The traits of a clingy girlfriend can be very tiring and most men can’t tolerate them, that’s why most relationships they are in don’t last for very long.
A clingy woman will want to know his every move, she will want to text 24/7, she forgets about all the aspects of her own life and concentrates solely on him, she doesn’t understand when he wants to do something that doesn’t include her, like going rafting with his friends, etc. Basically, she doesn’t give him space to breathe and that terrifies him and makes him pull away. So if you notice this behavioral pattern, do your best to get rid of the clinginess.
9. Be independent.
The most important thing of all is to create a life you enjoy, the kind of life you are proud of. Your relationship status shouldn’t define you or affect your perception of yourself. Treat yourself well because the people around you learn from you. If you don’t have enough respect for yourself, if you lack love toward yourself, your partner and other people around you will often take you for granted and treat you badly. So make sure you work on your strength and independence. By working on yourself and making your life great, you will make him want to share that life with you.
10. Follow his lead.
If he is ignoring your texts, don’t ask him why he is ignoring them. Do the same—don’t text him. Don’t call. Don’t insist. Don’t force things. It’s useless.
He will be more interested when he doesn’t hear from you than when you send text after text, trying to get to the bottom of things. Ignoring him makes him wonder where you disappeared to. It forms a million questions in his head. It makes you seem like a puzzle and he will be eager to solve it.
And when you are too available, it does the opposite. He knows where you are, what you think and he knows that him not texting you bothers you. So he has the upper hand in that situation, even when he has no clue what’s happening and thinks that you probably don’t even care whether he responds to your text or not.
He will respond eventually and when he does, take your precious time in answering. Don’t make him think that you have been waiting by the phone for him to remember you exist. Never let him see that you were upset because he didn’t text. I know that these games can be exhausting but they are sometimes necessary.
It is not a good idea to invest a lot in a person who doesn’t invest in you, too. That’s why you shouldn’t give more than he gives you. You should care for each other the same way and give the same amount of your time and attention to one another.
Obviously, you won’t measure and keep track of who gave more on each different occasion but make sure that overall, you are somewhere close. All your efforts should be reciprocated, never settle for anything less.
If you feel like you are giving too much and he is not giving anything at all, you might want to reconsider if you want that kind of relationship anyway.
Ignoring somebody is also a good way to test if they are really into you. If you ignore him in any of the ways listed above and he starts chasing you, you are on the right track; it means you have his full attention. If he doesn’t do a thing, at least you will know where you stand, and it will be his loss if he doesn’t go after you.
The bottom line is that men are simple: If you chase them, they will pull away. If you ignore them, they will chase you.