• November 23, 2020

I Just Want You

You once asked me, “What do you want?” I didn’t really know how to answer you, so I stayed quiet. It felt like a big question, and I didn’t want to mess up the answer.

I knew what I wanted, but I was afraid to say it. It seemed silly to say it aloud, and I couldn’t let you make me your fool.

Now I know. Ask me again and I won’t hesitate. I won’t stay quiet. I’m still afraid, but this is bigger than my fear. If it means I’m a fool, then I’ll be a fool. Ask me again and I’ll tell you.

I just want you.

I want you in the unfiltered moments. I want you in the moments when we’re both still half asleep but gravitating towards each other. My hand on your chest, your breath in my hair while we’re sleeping, that’s what I want. I want you when you nestle in closer just to be near me.

 

I want you when I’m half asleep and accidentally say, “I love you.” I want you when you say “I know.”

I want to wake up next to you. I want to know that you’re safe, that you’re mine. I want the safety I feel when you’re beside me. No one’s ever given me that before.

I want the dark days with you. I want the days when the sun has fallen from the sky and light ceases to exist.

I want you in the moments when you can’t figure out why I would want you. I want to always be there to reassure you that you matter. I want you to always believe me when I tell you how valuable you are.

 

I want you when you break my heart, when I drive away crying and wondering if that’s the last time I’ll see you.  I want you when you push me away and shut me out. I want you when I do the same.

I want you on the good days when you make me laugh so hard I can’t remember what the silence sounds like. I want you when you smile at me with your real smile just because you’re happy to see me.

I want that lazy Sunday morning feeling with you. That feeling when the sun is moving through the sky but time is standing still for us.

I want you when I see the hope in your eyes—the hope that we might make it. I want you in the midst of the uncertainty, because nothing in life is guaranteed, but I don’t mind it so much when I’m with you.

I want you even when I’m not sure if you’re good for me anymore.

I just want you.

 

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