It’s very common to hear about the things that could highlight what we should stay away from. Those traits are easy to spot at times and it takes a little awareness to recognize them some other times. Nevertheless, it is just as important to know what needs to be present for you to feel satisfied, heard and validated. Red flags are all well and good, but if there aren’t any green flags in a relationship it could mean that’s not a space you can thrive in.
This isn’t an exhaustive list, but here are some green flags that could highlight a relationship is worth investing in:
1. The person has the PROVEN ability to change
Potential is not what this is about because most people have that. Someone with the proven ability to change has already shown you from their past actions something that didn’t come naturally to them. A person like this has worked on something difficult and you watched them improve and can witness how different they are in the present with this new skill.
2. They listen
Listening sounds like something basic but it’s a fundamental need we all have. Someone who genuinely listens to you wants to know how you feel and why things affect you the way they do. A person like this is comfortable letting you talk and take up space when you need it.
3. They are willing to sit through uncomfortable spaces
Sitting through uncomfortable spaces is a part of every relationship. There isn’t anything worse than getting into conflict with your spouse and they disengage and or disappear. Someone who understands the importance of being present in happy times AND difficult times is someone worth the trouble.
4. They give apologies
When someone gives you a genuine apology it comes with steps to rectify the offense and no excuses as to why the offense occurred. Apologies are important because they tell you the offender cares enough about your feelings to want to learn from an unpleasant experience. If you are having to beg and state a case about why you need an apology after you’ve expressed why something bothered or offended you, you’ve already lost. Choose people who choose you over their pride.
This is a quality to search for simply because unless you plan to be in a relationship with someone who has your exact views, your exact mindset and exact disposition you’ll need someone who can be flexible when it’s called for. A partner that is open-minded looks like someone who at the very least is willing to listen to your view of the world whether they agree with it or not.
6. Their strong suit isn’t yours
Being different from your partner is just as important as having things in common. Someone who compliments your qualities with strengths of their own open up opportunities for you to grow. Being around someone you can learn something from is one of the biggest green flags of a relationship that is worth your time and effort.
7. They can reflect on past relationships objectively
When discussing past relationships, you want to be with someone who will not play the victim, someone who can tell you how they grew from that past interaction; how the other person’s perspective was different from theirs and what they learned. This is a quality to search for because it tells you that a person is learning from life. Someone who can vividly see what they could have done differently in their past relationship will treat your current relationship with care, attention, and effort.
8. They are depositing as much as they withdraw
Relationships are a give and take dynamic, you get into them with the hopes to get certain needs met and the willingness to add to their lives. If you are constantly giving and getting nothing in return you will eventually outgrow that person. Pick a partner who values the relationship enough to add to it more than they want to take.
You can not be the only aware person in your relationship, and that means that your partner has to pull their weight in their own personal growth. A person who puts in work to better themselves will put in work to better your relationship. This person will ask questions and listen to feedback, they will process past trauma and strive to do better. A self-aware partner is a partner who knows that living authentically takes work and you can always expect that diligence to reflect in your relationship
Being honest goes beyond telling the truth; it’s a character trait that tells you a lot about a person. When a person is honest with you they tell you with their actions and words that they care about the space they take in your life and they wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it. An honest partner will be candid with you in ways that may not always make you feel good but will always make you feel like you can trust them.