• November 29, 2020

Why “It’s Complicated” Really Isn’t All That Complicated

It’s complicated.

I have heard people talk about this relationship status in more ways than one and it makes me wonder how “complicated” complicated can be. Could it be when the person you like — or love, for that matter — does not love you back? Or when the person you like reciprocates the affection but does not want labels? Or when that person likes or loves you back but is already in an exclusive relationship with another person?

Well, it is not that complicated.

First, it is not complicated that it is not mutual. There is not even a relationship status for that because it is not a two-way transaction of identified and specified set of emotions at a particular rate and time. It is just you nursing feelings for someone you can never have and the real complication comes when you cannot and will not simply deal with it.

When he or she seems to like you too but settles with not labeling the “relationship”, it is not complicated at all. People can be terrified of commitment; it is a natural reaction to the stimulus of falling in love at a time when you are not ready. The thought of being perpetually and constantly associated with a certain individual and at the same time knowing that it is your choice to be branded by a certain connection can sometimes be very formidable. The thought of unintentionally causing that person pain and that you are liable for breaking someone else’s heart and not yours; or the idea that your heart will be broken without your consent — these are all contributory to why people choose open relationships; when chances of getting hurt are trivial.

There may be times when you give yourself the excuse of what they call “having the right love at the wrong time” just because they tell you that the feeling is mutual but a relationship is not possible because of an existing relationship with another person, then you are in a clear, textbook case of being JUST the second priority. It just means that they don’t want to let you go but the romantic attachment is not strong enough for them to leave their past love and start a new love story with you. As a human being, you deserve better. You deserve someone who puts you first; someone who wants to hang out with you not because you wear the right clothes or just because you were crowned prom queen or because you are willing to make out with them at any time they ask you too.

Love, in itself, is complicated and what makes it more than complicated is the fact that it does not sustain a relationship on its own. It has to be coupled with trust, patience, care — believe it or not — security.

What do you do when everything’s more than complicated? Some may opt to stop loving, others only consider love to be a business transaction and a commensal relationship to satisfy human’s fundamental needs. While all of these may work, every route invariably winds up with one, common destination — you still love. For whatever purpose you may have for loving, you still do and that is the growing point of complication.

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