• December 03, 2020

No, I Don’t Want To Be Your Friend

No, I don’t want to be your friend.

I won’t come back when my feelings are all gone so we can hang out.

I won’t stay in your life on the condition of not having feelings for you just because you want me there.

No, I will not stop having needs and emotions only to make you feel better.

The feelings, my feelings, are all out there, visible. You can touch them. They’re real.

I’m sorry those feelings end up becoming a conversation you wish we never had.

But they exist, and so do I.

We won’t be friends. We will never be friends.

Friends don’t sleep together. That’s the main difference: Your friends are all the people you don’t sleep with.

And we did that.

I don’t wanna date my best friend. I like my best friends and I like that I don’t sleep with them. I love them, but not in that way.

I love you.

So I don’t want to be your mate, your friend with benefits, your “girl friend”, or anything else. I wanted to be more. I wanted us to be involved, partners, lovers, us.

But you didn’t want that, and that’s fine too.

I would never ask you to get feelings, so why are you asking me to suffocate mine?

They won’t go away, not for a while at least.

I will let them fade slowly, patiently—I’m not in a rush.

It will take time.

I will surround myself with my friends, love, laughs and wine.

I’ll sleep with other guys who hopefully won’t try to be my friend.

I’ll stay up until the sun rises, and I will toast to us.

I will miss you.

But don’t worry, I’ll get over it. And I won’t be back. Not this time.

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